A Biting Social Story for Toddlers (Free Printable, and What to Say in the Moment)

A story for thisFor the toddler who bites when the feeling gets too bigYour child, by name, in every scene. See the Biting Feeling story →

A free biting social story you can print

Copy this, swap in your child's name, and print one or two sentences per page. If you can, add a photo of your child on the first page and a photo of their own chewy toy or snack bowl on the "I can" pages.

My Biting Feeling

1. My name is [child's name].
2. Sometimes I get a big feeling in my body.
3. Sometimes it is a mad feeling, a tired feeling, or a too crowded feeling.
4. Sometimes the big feeling goes to my mouth, and my mouth wants to bite.
5. Lots of little children get a biting feeling. That is OK.
6. Biting hurts. When someone gets bitten, they feel sad and sore.
7. My grown-ups help keep everybody safe, and they help me too.
8. When I get the biting feeling, I can say "Stop" or "Back up, please."
9. I can bite my chewy, or crunch something crunchy at snack time.
10. My grown-up can help me with the big feeling.
11. My grown-ups love me, even when my feelings are big.
12. I am learning what to do with my biting feeling.

Why it is written this way. Carol Gray's social story method, as taught in guidance built on it, asks for mostly descriptive and perspective sentences and only a few directive ones, roughly two to five of the first kind for every one of the second. This story has two "I can" lines (8 and 9) and ten that describe, reassure or explain. It never calls the child a biter, never says "always" or "never", and ends calmly rather than with a reward. If your child already has a word for their chewy or a phrase your daycare uses, put that in instead of mine. The one rule is that line 8 uses the exact words you will use in the moment.

How to use it. Read it once a day at a quiet time, at the same point in the day if you can. Leave it where your child can find it. Do not read it right after a bite: then it becomes a telling-off, and the story works because it is not one. For more on writing your own, see our guide to personalized social stories.

Why toddlers bite

Biting is one of the most common reasons a daycare calls home, and it almost always lands on the parent as a verdict. It is not one.

KidsHealth notes that biting tends to happen most between the first and second birthday, and that it fades as language improves. ZERO TO THREE puts it simply: toddlers do not yet have the words or the self-control for strong feelings, so they rely on actions to tell us what they are thinking and feeling. A bite can mean any of these:

• I am frustrated or angry, and I do not have the words.
• You are too close, or the room is too crowded and loud.
• I am tired or hungry, and everything is too much.
• I want that toy, and grabbing did not work.
• My mouth hurts or needs something: teething, or just a strong urge to chew.
• I want to see what happens. Toddlers are learning cause and effect, and a bite gets a very big reaction.

The American Academy of Pediatrics says young children have little natural self-control and need grown-ups to teach them, patiently and repeatedly, what to do with angry feelings instead. That is the job of the story, and of everything you do in the moment.

What to do in the moment

Step in, calmly and fast. Move your child back from the other child. Your calm face and voice do more than your words: ZERO TO THREE notes that a grown-up staying steady helps a toddler get back in control.

Say one short line, the same way every time. "No biting. Biting hurts." KidsHealth suggests exactly this kind of firm, simple phrase. Do not add a lecture. A long talk is a lot of attention, and attention is part of what a bite can be asking for.

Comfort the child who was bitten first. Your child gets to watch what a bite does: someone is sad, and the grown-up goes to help them. If the skin is broken, wash it with soap and water and let the other family know.

Never bite back. It is still sometimes passed on as advice. It teaches that biting is what bigger people do when they are upset.

Offer the alternative. Once things are calm: "You can say back up, please." Or hand over the chewy. Keep it to one or two choices and use the same ones every time, so they match the story.

Skip the forced sorry. A two year old saying sorry on command is mostly learning to say a word to end an awkward moment. Let them help instead, by handing the other child a toy or holding a cold cloth, and the real apologies will come once they have the language.

Before the next bite

Most biting has a pattern once you look for one. A few things help:

• Watch the time of day. Before lunch and late afternoon are common. A snack or a quieter activity before that window can cut bites down.
• Watch the place. Crowded corners, the doorway at drop-off, one popular toy.
• Feed the urge. A chewy toy that lives in the same place, and something crunchy at snack, gives a mouthy toddler somewhere safe to put the feeling.
• Name feelings all day, not only in hard moments. "You are mad, that block fell." Toddlers learn feeling words from hearing them used on their own experience.
• Praise the try. When they say "stop" instead of biting, say so: "You used your words." The AAP lists praise for the behaviour you want as one of its tips.

Talking to daycare

If the biting happens at care, ask for specifics, not reassurance. When does it happen, where, with whom, and what happened just before? Then agree on one shared line and one shared alternative, so your child hears "No biting. Biting hurts" and "back up, please" in both places. Ask whether your child can have their chewy at care. Offer them a copy of the printed story; some rooms will happily read it.

A biting story with your child in it

We made a personalized storybook film called The Biting Feeling for exactly this age, two to four. It is about two and a half minutes. Your child is in every scene, made from the details you choose, and the narrator says their name. It shows the pressing feeling, a calm grown-up who stops the bite before it lands, words to use instead, and something crunchy that is allowed. The friend is never hurt. Nobody is called a biter or naughty, nobody is sent away from the group, and there is no forced apology. What a family can keep from it is the same three things as above: one short line said the same way every time, a flat hand and the words "back up, please", and somewhere for the feeling to go, a chewy that lives on a hook and something crunchy at snack. Every film is checked by a person and ready within 24 hours, to watch in the FableFleet app or from the email link. It is a story to watch together, not a treatment, and it sits alongside the printable above rather than replacing it.

If your toddler hits or pushes rather than bites, see our hitting social story.

When to talk to your pediatrician

Most biting stops on its own as words come in. Talk to your pediatrician if:

• Biting carries on past about age three or four, or is getting more frequent rather than less.
• Bites often break the skin, or your child bites adults.
• It comes with other worrying behaviour, or your child seems to bite with no trigger anyone can find.
• Your child has been sent home from care, or you are being asked to find another place.
• You have any worry about speech, hearing or development. A child who cannot yet say what they need has more reason to bite, and support with language can help.

The AAP suggests talking to your pediatrician when aggressive behaviour lasts beyond a few weeks. If a therapist or developmental specialist becomes involved, take your printed story with you. They can adapt it to your child far more closely than any template.