Christmas Gifts for Grandchildren Who Live Far Away (That Still Feel Like You)

A story for thisA weekend at Grandma's, and the grandparent your child gets to knowYour child, by name, in every scene. See the Weekend at Grandma's story →

Why gifts from far away get lost on Christmas morning

If you will not be in the room on Christmas morning, your present arrives in a pile. A two or three year old opens it between a dozen others, often while someone else is already handing them the next one, and the tag that says it came from you means nothing to a child who cannot read.

That is not a reason to send less. It is a reason to send differently. A toddler remembers people through what they see, hear and do again and again. A big toy from a grandparent who lives across the country is just a big toy. A small book with a recording of that grandparent reading it, played every night in January, is the grandparent.

You are also not alone in this. In AARP's grandparenting survey (2011), about seven in ten grandparents lived within 50 miles of their closest grandchild, but more than four in ten had to travel over 200 miles to see the grandchildren who lived farthest away. Among grandparents who said they did not see their grandchildren enough, distance was the reason they gave most often.

What do you give a grandchild who lives far away?

Something with you in it that keeps working after Christmas. These are the ideas that hold up at a distance, for children roughly two to five.

A book and a recording of you reading it. Choose a short picture book, read it aloud on your phone, and send the recording to the parents along with the book. Say your grandchild's name at the start and end. Turn the pages slowly so they can follow along. For a toddler who asks for the same book forty times, you have just become part of bedtime.

Two copies of the same book. Keep one, send one. Then read it together on your regular call, page by page, each of you holding your own copy. North Dakota State University's extension guide to grandparenting at a distance suggests exactly this kind of shared reading over a call, and it gives a toddler something to do on a video call besides staring at the screen.

A photo book of you and your home. Small, sturdy, one picture and a few words per page. Your front door. Your kitchen. Your dog. The chair you sit in when you call. You, waving. A toddler who has looked at your kitchen fifty times will walk into it differently at the next visit.

Something from your kitchen. A recipe card in your handwriting with the ingredients for something you always make, or a tin of something homemade if it will travel. Check with the parents first about allergies and what is safe for a child under four, and assume it will be the grown-ups eating most of it.

Something that joins the daily routine. A cup, a toothbrush, pyjamas, a night light. Tell the parents it is from you, and ask them to say so every time it comes out. "Your cup from Grandpa" said every morning does more than a card.

If you are buying a toy as well, the American Academy of Pediatrics' toy safety page is worth a minute: parts bigger than a toddler's mouth, nothing with button or coin batteries or strong magnets, and read the age label. Recordable soft toys are lovely for this, so check that the battery compartment screws shut.

What is a meaningful gift from a grandparent?

The test is simple: will your grandchild use it again, and will they think of you when they do? A gift that passes both is meaningful whatever it cost. Most of the ideas above pass both because they are built around repetition, which is how toddlers learn anything, including who you are.

A ritual can be the gift. A promise to read the same story on every Sunday call through the winter, written on a card and sent with the book, is something a four year old will hold you to.

How much should grandparents spend on Christmas gifts?

There is no number that is right for every family, and the person to ask is the child's parent. Three questions save a lot of returns:

1. What are you already getting them? (So you do not send the same thing.)
2. Do you have a limit, or a space problem? (Many families with toddlers do.)
3. Is there anything you would like us to cover? (Sometimes the answer is a swim class or a pair of boots, which is less fun to wrap and more useful.)

For a two or three year old, one meaningful thing and one small thing to open is plenty. Toddlers are often finished with unwrapping long before the presents run out.

What can I send a toddler that will not get lost among the toys?

Change the day. A parcel that arrives for Christmas Eve, or one marked "open on the 27th", gets opened on a quiet day with full attention and a phone call to go with it. Many families now do a small Christmas Eve box, and a grandparent's parcel fits inside one perfectly. We wrote a separate guide on what to put in a toddler's Christmas Eve box.

Then make the connection to you obvious. A photo of you taped inside the lid. Your voice on a recording. The name your grandchild uses for you written in large letters. A two year old cannot read "from Nonna", but they can recognise Nonna's face.

Making the Christmas Day video call work

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends keeping screens to a minimum for babies and toddlers, and makes a specific exception for video chatting with a distant grandparent. The call is worth doing. It is also easy to get wrong on the busiest morning of the year.

• Agree a time in advance, away from naps and meals. Mid-morning after the presents, or late afternoon, usually beats first thing.
• Keep it short. Ten minutes of a toddler's real attention beats forty minutes of a toddler wandering off.
• Give them a job. Show you one present. Read the shared book together. Open your gift to them on camera, so they see your face when they see it.
• Let the parent hold the phone. It frees your grandchild to show you things, which is the part they enjoy.
• Say the same goodbye every time. A little phrase or wave that is just yours becomes something they look forward to.

Can a grandparent be in a personalized story?

Yes, and for a long-distance family it can be one of the best things to watch together after Christmas.

Our story Weekend at Grandma's is a storybook film of about two and a half minutes about one weekend at a grandparent's house: the tin on the high shelf, a slow Saturday, a story about the child's own parent as a little kid, and three buttons carried home. The child is in every scene, and the narrator says their name. The grandparent is in it too, under the name your family actually uses, whether that is Nonna, Abuela, Lola, Nan, Poppy or Grandad, and it can be a grandfather as easily as a grandmother. It is one weekend, which is what a long-distance visit usually is. It is made for ages three to six. The film is ordered by the child's parent, so if you would like one, it is something to suggest to them. Every film is checked by a person and ready within 24 hours, arrives by email, plays in the FableFleet app and can be downloaded to keep, so there is no shipping deadline to miss. For a winter story without a visit in it, there is also First Snow Day.

If you have left it late

Plenty of the best gifts here do not need the post office at all. A recording of you reading a book they already own, sent to the parents' phone, is ready tonight. So is a short video of you showing them your house, your garden or your dog, or a letter you read aloud and record. Ask the parents to save it somewhere easy to find, and it becomes something they can play every time your grandchild asks where you are.

If the parents are working out how to explain the whole season to a two year old, our guide to how to explain Christmas to a toddler covers it, with options for families who do Santa and families who do not.